Coaching
In English, the word coach also means carriage or touringcar. As a coach, I see myself as that vehicle. People come to me because they want to move forward, but for various reasons are not succeeding. Together, we explore where you want to go, what your coaching goal is, and what is preventing you from getting there. I then outline the possible routes and what we will do along the way to overcome the obstacles. If you agree, we travel together from A to B. At point B, we part ways. The goal has been achieved. You step out of the coaching relationship and continue on your own strength.
During this journey, I help you ask yourself the right questions. I do not provide solutions, advice, answers, tips or tricks – tempting though that may be for both of us. What I do instead is be ‘lazy’ and ‘unknowing’. By that I mean that I focus on asking questions that set you to work, while I can remain ‘lazy’. Not because I want to be lazy, but because I believe that only you can find the answers to your questions, as they are locked within you. I have no access to that place, because I am not you.
The space created by this ‘laziness’ allows me to observe consciously what happens with you, with me and between us. It helps me to keep my mind as empty as possible – observing with curiosity, without filling in or judging. That is what I mean by being ‘unknowing’.
Way of working
Our journey together consists of four parts:
- Intake
- Implementation
- Final session
- Aftercare
1. Intake
During a personal intake session (free of charge), we explore your coaching question and goal. What do you want to achieve, and what is holding you back? Based on this conversation, I prepare a proposal describing your current situation (point A) and the desired situation (point B).
I share my perspective on your question and outline the proposed approach, including the duration and costs of the coaching trajectory. This naturally takes place in consultation with your organisation, for example through your manager and/or an HR contact.
2. Implementation
Our sessions take place at my practice in Huis ter Heide. After each session, you send me a reflection report. In addition, you will usually receive an assignment, such as experimenting with new behaviour, keeping a logbook, writing a poem, making a drawing, reading a book or watching a film. We can of course also connect in between sessions via (video) calls or email.
Coaching trajectories consist of a maximum of five to six sessions of two hours. Coaching questions that require more time are often better suited to another type of professional, such as a psychotherapist, psychiatrist or haptotherapist.
3. Final session
The final hour of our last session is reserved for evaluating the entire trajectory. Together, we rewind the film: we look at the steps you have taken, assess whether the agreed goals have been achieved, and make agreements where necessary to anchor insights and intentions for the future.
If your manager or HR contact wishes to be informed about the progress and/or results of the coaching – always together with you – we will make specific arrangements for this.
4. Aftercare
Even after the assignment has been completed, I remain available. In case you have a question, or simply want to share something. In addition, after six months I always check in to see how you are doing.
Examples of coaching questions
I cannot recall anyone ever approaching me with the question: “How do I develop my personal-leadership?” That is mainly HR language. What people do tell me is how they get stuck, what troubles them, and what they long for. They want to know how things can be more effective. That is the level of behaviour and skills. After some further questioning, it usually becomes clear that the answer lies at a deeper level.
For example, a client may struggle with speaking in front of larger groups. Tension takes over. He starts speaking in a confused, vague way and may even freeze completely. I have seen people in such situations being sent on a Presentation Skills course (skills level). Sometimes that is the solution. However, often we need to look further. It may be that this person does not sufficiently recognise their own needs – for example for clarity, validation, structure or focus – allowing negative emotions to take the helm (level of values and beliefs). Or there may be a voice from the past saying that the person is not worthy of being heard (level of identity). It may also be that someone is in a role or position that does not align with why this person is on earth (level of mission).
I have specialised in working at the three deepest levels because, in my experience, that is where sustainable answers to many coaching questions are found. Answers that help you understand who you are and the origins of your behaviour. The clearer this becomes, the more freedom and growth you will experience in both your personal and professional life.
Below you will find examples of development questions that clients have brought to me.
How can I influence my emotions in such a way that things no longer spiral out of control?
I rely heavily on my intuition. There is nothing wrong with that in itself. But at moments when emotions start to play a bigger role, my effectiveness declines. I become very focused and rigid, I go into battle by putting forward all sorts of arguments, which leads to heated discussions. This happens particularly when I feel I am not being taken seriously. These incidents cost a lot of energy. Sometimes I even sleep badly because of them. Afterwards I can talk about it, but unfortunately the damage has already been done. I want to learn to influence myself more effectively; to consciously have my hands on the controls of my own emotions.
Result: By developing my emotional intelligence, I have become a more credible leader.
How can I prevent fear from blocking me?
I have now been part of the High Potential programme of a Dutch multinational for almost two years. Everything is going according to plan. I am learning a great deal and making good progress. Fortune smiles on me. But there is one thing I keep running into. When I have to address groups without preparation, for example in a meeting or in front of a large audience, I can be completely overwhelmed by fear. I break out in a cold sweat, my brain seems to shut down and I feel light-headed. I understand that my surroundings hardly notice, but I absolutely want to get rid of this. At the level I want to grow towards, this should not be an issue.
Result: I see why I block and that is exactly why it doesn't happen anymore.
How do I temper the perfectionist in me? Because a little bit perfect does not exist…
I am a perfectionist. Always have been. It is in my nature to see everywhere what could be done even better. In myself. And in others. That makes me a very hard worker and it has brought me a lot of good things so far. But I am also beginning to notice how much energy it costs me. Because I am never finished. It also affects my relationships with people. When a colleague said, “Can’t you ever see what is already there?” it really shook me. With the help of coaching, I want to learn to take a kinder and more positive stance towards life.
Result: I feel calm because I look at myself and my surroundings with fewer judgements and more compassion.
How do you talk about things you cannot see but can feel, and which sometimes get seriously in the way?
In conversations with my clients and employees, a lot often happens inside me that I do not express. The same is undoubtedly true for them. Rationally, I know that consciously addressing that level improves the quality of my interactions. But I also find it frightening. Perhaps I will unleash something that cannot be stopped. I want to learn how to deal with this in a way that suits me and makes me feel confident.
Result: I dare to talk about feelings without being afraid that the situation will get out of hand.
Is this a midlife crisis?
Sometimes I hear about it happening to others. And now it is happening to me. I have everything I could wish for. A loving wife, two healthy children, a nice house, a car, a small boat, and holidays two, sometimes three times a year. I work hard and my organisation is satisfied with what I do. And yet, for some time now, something has been gnawing at me. Will my life just carry on like this until I retire in fifteen years’ time? Is this all there is, and do I simply need to learn to accept it? Or is there more to be gained?
Result: I feel renewed energy because I have recalibrated the compass for my future.
How to deal with loneliness at the top?
There is a growing gap between what I do and who I want to be deep down. I am becoming increasingly aware of this. It feels as if I am betraying myself. This sometimes makes me angry and insecure. I want to learn to be who I really am, but I do not know what to do to achieve that. As a director, it can be lonely at the top. A voice inside me says that a leader should be able to answer these kinds of questions on their own. But I cannot figure it out by myself…
Result: I dare to be who I am.
Why do I sometimes suddenly feel like that little girl again?
I sit on the executive team of our organisation. I have achieved a great deal by now. And yet I can sometimes be overwhelmed by a feeling of inferiority. I know this comes from the past. In my current environment, there is no one who puts me in that position. There is respect and equality. Nevertheless, I sometimes still fall into that trap. Like a reflex. But a reflex that has become unnecessary. I want to learn to anticipate the situations in which this happens and to act effectively, instead of shutting down and feeling like that little girl again.
Result: I feel like an equal member of our management team and have ‘sent that little girl on holiday’.
How do I get this job done when I myself have only been managing for a year and a half?
As a result of a reorganisation, half of my team has been transferred elsewhere and I have taken on people from two other teams. Old and young, experienced and inexperienced, all mixed together. My main task is to turn this into an independent, balanced, smoothly functioning team with support for our mission, where people work with confidence and enjoyment. I find that quite challenging. I have only been a manager for a year and a half, and the leadership development programme I am following has not even been completed yet. I would like to talk to someone outside our organisation about how to tackle this task as well as possible.
Result: I feel the courage and confidence to fulfil this major assignment.
What will be my next career step?
As a result of a change in direction within our organisation, the content of my role has changed. This no longer feels like the right place for me and I am losing a lot of energy. I need to make a decision and take steps. But on what basis? And towards what? I am looking for a coach who can help me see where my motivation and strengths lie, and in which new working environment they will come into their own best. Until then, I do not dare to make a decision.
Result: I dare to take the plunge and make my next career move.
Fees
Most of my clients have their coaching trajectory funded by their employer. In some cases, clients choose or need to pay for the coaching themselves.
I therefore apply two types of fees:
- €195 per hour when coaching is paid for by an employer
- €125 per hour when coaching is paid for privately.
Conditions:
- All amounts are exclusive of 21% VAT
- Sessions take place at my practice in Huis ter Heide
- During the trajectory, you may reschedule one appointment within 24 hours prior to the session without charge; subsequent cancellations within 24 hours will be invoiced
- Invoicing is based on actual hours worked
- No reporting to third parties without your explicit prior consent
- The General Terms and Conditions apply.
