Nonviolent Communication is a way of communicating in which empathy is the guiding thread for creating and maintaining connection with others and with yourself. In the early 1990s, I first encountered Nonviolent Communication, and since then I have become increasingly aware of how judgemental – and therefore how violent – our communication with one another and with ourselves often is. We do this in four ways:

1. I am not OK, you are not OK
2. I am not OK, you are OK
3. I am OK, you are not OK
4. I am OK, you are OK

The first three ways create distance between people and/or from themselves. Only the fourth enables sustainable connection, through communication rooted in compassion.

Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of this approach, taught me that judgements are expressions of unmet needs. These unmet needs lead to negative feelings, which in turn result in a loss of energy. By learning to let go of judgement and replacing it with care for unmet needs, you not only build connection; you also stop the negative feelings and therefore the loss of energy.

A large proportion of the coaching questions people bring to me relate to this. That is why I use this approach so frequently.